How to turn boring ass copy into an utter panty-dropper

Let’s play a game.

I’m gonna show you one of the bullet points from my course sales page.

Then I’m gonna give you the BORING ASS copy I started with.

And then I’m gonna show you EXACTLY how I turned this into (what I think) is a pretty fucking good bullet point.

Sound good? Great.

No pissing around today.

Because we’ve got a lot to cover (and I have a habit of writing emails that are far longer than “recommended” by most people).

So, without further ado.

Let’s dive in:

The problem:

People struggle to make sales.

Solution:

Helping people understand scarcity and urgency mechanisms, which are one of the primary drivers of sales (when used correctly).

And, over the course of the past 10 months, I’ve nailed down the 7 scarcity/urgency mechanisms which I’ve seen the most success with (either for my own offers, or for my clients).

So that’s one of the key elements of the course.

OK. That’s the problem statement.

But now we need to turn that into an enticing sales angle (i.e. we can’t just say “I’ll help you make more sales with urgency and scarcity” — too boring).

So, first step:

Let’s jot down the big benefit + mechanism:

• [Iteration #1] Make more sales with the 7 best urgency and scarcity mechanisms

Right. Base is set.

So let’s get to work.

Nowwwwwww.

I’m a BIG advocate of including as many transformations in your copy as possible.

But look at the first part of that statement again:

“Make more sales”

It doesn’t really capture the “transition” from not making sales to making sales.

So what about this:

• [Iteration #2] Turn followers into BUYERS with the 7 best urgency and scarcity mechanisms

OK. Nice.

Now the reader can “feel” the idea of turning their audience (who are currently unwilling to pay) into buyers — which is what they want.

But we’re not done yet.

Because we want to more accurately capture the state of someone who is refusing to buy (“follower” doesn’t do it justice, IMO).

Well…

Think about what “scarcity” and “urgency” do.

They take people who are sitting on their hands, umming and ahhing over their decision, and convince them to pull the trigger.

So…

What’s another word we could use to encapsulate the idea of someone “waiting around” for the right time…

Procrastinator!

Boom:

• [Iteration #3] Turn procrastinators into BUYERS with the 7 urgency and scarcity mechanisms

But there’s ANOTHER problem (writing copy ain’t easy, is it, lol):

“Mechanisms” sounds a bit… bland.

Well, again —

Let’s think about what scarcity and urgency do.

They give someone who’s “sitting on the fence” just a big enough “nudge” to make them pay.

So… what’s a simple phrase we could use to reflect that action?

“Fence-wobbler”

Love it.

Getting somewhere now:

• [Iteration #4] Turn procrastinators into BUYERS with the 7 urgency and scarcity “fence-wobblers”.

Fucking love the contrast between the “procrastinator” at the start and the “fence-wobbler” at the end of the bullet, too.

But idk.

Still feel like it’s “missing” something.

Because when I think about the sort of people who are using scarcity and urgency to drive sales, they’re VERY often people with an email list.

So I want the bullet to cater to email marketers, specifically (for context: I hadn’t referenced any email copywriting benefits on the sales page up to this point, so it’s long overdue).

Here’s an idea:

• [Iteration #5] Turn procrastinators into BUYERS with the 7 urgency and scarcity “fence-wobblers” (so you can drive sales via your email list)

Eh. Another problem.

The people on the other end now have 2 doubts:

1. I don’t have enough subscribers in my list to drive sales

2. I don’t have any BUYERS sitting in my list

Both of these are false. (I’ve quite literally seen people land $2,000+ deals with an email list of only 100 high-quality people).

So, let’s reassure people these strategies WILL work for them (if they apply them correctly):

• [Iteration #6] Turn procrastinators into BUYERS with the 7 urgency and scarcity “fence-wobblers” (I’ve seen people use these strategies to close $2,000+ deals with an email list of only 100 subscribers)

Kinda nice.

But (even though it’s true), I think this is too bold a claim to make — it’ll make the claim seem less plausible (which is 90% of the copywriting game, and why I cringe every time I see someone make a sensationalist claim like “write emails so good your audience will be practically BEGGING you to take their money”).

So, let’s tone it down a bit (and introduce the idea that there are people “hiding” in their list who are ready to buy):

• [Iteration #7] Turn procrastinators into BUYERS with the 7 urgency and scarcity “fence-wobblers” (if you have an email list with even 100 people, this will tease out the buyers lurking in there)

FINALLLLLLYYYY.

Now that (I think) is pretty decent copy.

And it’s where I landed for that final bullet.

Is it perfect? No.

But no copy is.

And I’m just tryna get better every day.

Kind of a long email today.

But I hope this insight into my copywriting brain was useful to ya.

Talk soon.

Harry

*PS. Found this type of “copy walkthrough” email useful?

Reply “Copy” and I’ll pump out more in the future (please do this — the better I understand what you want, the more I can help you with these emails)

*PPS. Be careful when using TOO MANY bullets in your copy.

I’ve been paying close attention to what happens to my EYES when I read sales letters / sales emails with lost of bullets.

I almost always end up reading the first one, but then skipping to the last one, and missing all the ones in between.

I think what happens is your brain “senses” there’s no new development in the logical argument of the copy, realises it doesn’t need to pay attention anymore (because skipping will NOT inhibit your ability to understand the rest of the page), and so your “lazy” brain does its best to save energy and not read any more than it has to.

Result: some of your best selling points might get lost in the noise.

Just food for thought.

(Pretty sure I’ve remember A-List copywriter, Daniel Throssell, mention he’d noticed a similar thing once too).

And remember:

Reply “Copy” to this email if you found it useful (and I’ll pump out more).